Alter Deus Ego

„Go in circles day by day!” He said to me silently in my moments of Inner Ascension. Circles? Me? Why?! How can this mean something pleasant? Even if symbolically or metaphorical, it was utter weird! It sounded like bleakly routine to me…Can you be more specific?!
He smiled with metallic coldness, I knew that to be a good sign even for such unpredicted spirit like Ferluci. With his right hand he pointed out to the big stone in the middle of huge oak trees: You see this stone? Even if it is big, symmetric, black and heavy…with time it will become dust! And even those two oak trees will forget of its existence! You are this Stone and the Oak Trees – those around you! Don’t go for such Mono-ones Circle! But in your Inner CIRCLES! Do you see now the difference?!
          I stood there and watched how the leaves from the oak trees fell like golden feathers from petrified Angels in the forms of silent trees. The Truth of his Words floated heavy in the misty air. It was so hard to accept such revelation, especially when you already know it to be in your labyrinthine mind. Suddenly, warm liquid in the form of glassy drops glided on my pale cheeks…before falling down, Ferluci caught them in his gentle palm. He gazed long at those salty tears…With harmonious notes in his voice, he asked: You call them Tears? I nodded. He continued: Strange...In my realm we call them Soul Dew...Don’t spill your Essence in vain, it is the Blood of your Soul! Every time you cry these ,,tears” My spectral Heart is bleeding spirit Blood!
I saw how his ghostly form was covered in crimson color...My Tears became his Blood!
          I took a deep breath and wiped every tear from my emotionless face. I reached for my coat pocket, my fingers grabbed a red pack...I pulled one cigarette and lit it. Ferluci was gone...Cold wind blew the smoke in the direction of his last presence. I started to walk on a small path, leading to a huge forest.
          Beyond the darkness of autumn night, in the gloomy space, a Little Dot covered in a circle of smoke was moving wearily, only sound that broke this silence was someone’s Breath...

HyperAngEL

You can’t Kiss an HyperAngEL…For he will wake up from this dream, but I still want to dream here…Your Beauty and Presence is the most Sacred and Holy gift for me! But if My Light is cut from this World, I will be broken in My Garden of Dream-Rift, scattered by coldness of my frozen body…
        Give me your Understanding and Purity and I will glorify your Soul!
        Give me your Presence and I will take you in Plces High!
        Give me your Light and I will make from it your Blue Stars!
        Remember me and I will make you Immortal!
        Kiss me and I will die in this Empty World like a Distant Echo from the Past!
        Your Kiss is Death for My Dreams!
But why I am still alive?! Even Death has no Power over me, who can resist your Innocent Sacrifice? These Words are spoken from the one who saw the End of another Beginning!
        That’s why I am Alive! Earthly Kiss can kill me! But not Divine One! Light can’t be extinguished by another Light! NO! It can only burn brighter!
        Your Godly Kiss makes my Wings more Colorful and My Light – more Crystalized!
        Your Hug is Sanctuary for My Soul!
        One Smile – and I will fly beyond Heaven, there…where My Home is Dreaming!

How can I say: You are too Divine!
Can I say to a flower: You are too green, too colorful!
NO! I can't! You are YOUR PERFECTION!

        Only Imperfection here are my written Words…too limited and too worldly for such Graceful body and Blissful Soul like you!

Arcanum Dea

Rise like flower from Winter Slumber

like a Wolf from deepest dreams

Cry with music of your voice!

I AM ALIVE! I AM HERE! I AM!

Do you not know that You are Music?
Can you remember the day when you were born?
No! Because your Music has no beginning nor end....
Even if your Heart is ticking Clock...
Your Soul is Immortal!! My Immortal!

Your Heart is strong like Dragon Scale
and pure like Purple Lotus Flower!
May your Heart beat in you with Glory!

Everything you ever done or said to me is perfection!
You can’t do any mistakes or something wrong
You are Everlasting and Evershining Stone
of Crystal Light on my Path of Life!
No matter how far away this Stone will be,
I will always see your Light and feel your Warmth!

They say: ,,The Gods deserve their pain!”
Mine is that of Dreams of Liberty in vain!
If something is permitted to me,
then it is - to be your Shadow!

How can Death exist when your Voice is Living Life!
How can Time destroy the moments...
when your Song is Eternal now!

How can words describe your Music...
they can not, just beyond Perfection!

I hear your Echo in my Past,
I dream you in my Future!
And feel you in the Present Hour...

One Night in Paradise

How can Time be so funny? It is trying to dive my memories in delusional past…How can that Night be in the Past? How?
        I can see you vividly, Goddess of Stars! I feel your presence, your magic Beauty...The Space and Time of My Mind is Holy when you sing your Song of Life and Death...I hear now your harmonious Voice, it is everywhere...in Dreams it’s even Louder! I will never forget your Sonic Spirit…
        Now, I am looking at The Full Moon – it is silvery-crystal but so Empty and Cold without your Reflection. The shades of Night are so perfect in your gentle face...No need for your physical presence, oh, no! It’s enough your distant Smile, your electric Laughter. Let me Worship you, my Occult Religion, my Queen! I praise your Beauty at my Ceremonial Altar of Perfection! Let me treasure your pure Tears, to drink them like drops of Immortal Elixir on my Deathbed. I can give Last Drop of my fiery Blood for your Holy Body! Your Smell – like petals of Black Rose, The Fragrance of Dusk and Dawn...Whole World is just a game in your Musical Soul! My Words are diving in an endless Echoes when you cover My Mind in Care and Love. Who is more worthy of Existence? Only YOU!
        You are My Genesis of Creation and Apocalypse of My Dreams!
        My Words are like dry Leaves on Misty Lake but your Sound flows like a Etheric River from the roots of Sacred Mountains! Your Silence is Louder than the Thunder of the Blazing Lightening. Your tender Palms are like Snowdrops but strong as Pure Adamant! Your Hair is like an Astral Tapestry that binds together the Atoms of My Universe!
        And who can say that My Presence is real in the face of your Divinity?...

REGINA IMMACULATA

Beyond Stars and Pathless Dreams
The Queen Of Night is Sleeping tight!

May Her Dreaming bring this World 
more Love and Care than Hate and Evil!

Your Eyes are Burning Blue like Lilies
They fill My Empty Heart with Life!

Sing and Dance, Oh, Lady Beauty! 
You are the Truth in My Reflection!

Hunger consumes My Earthly Body 
But My Spirit is full of Joy!

How can Food give me Life?
When your Smile is THE LIFE!

The Icy Wind can freeze My Body
But My Soul is Full of Light!
I see Her Crown of Starry Wisdom 

On the Throne of Crescent Moon!

I Sing Her Song of Life and Magic
She plays with Strings Her Symphony!

I Fall asleep in Her Embrace...

Like a Drop in Cosmic Ocean...                           

Grief and Glory

Many times I saw this Future
In my Wisdom from the Past
It begged for Silence written
Like a warning, Sealed with Blood.

I praised it secretly more Higher
For the Sign was Great Indeed
But Unknown to My reaction
It fell in Echo, deep in Time.

No regrets for Words unspoken
Why to show? Like someone care?
This wasn’t one of My Decision
But your Wish! I just obeyed…

Whom to ask for Strength and Hope?
For I know it’s in My Power,
And to be weak, remain the same?
I would rather suffer Pain!

How to lose what has been found
When My Spirit is so Bound
By those Memories of Beauty
Lost in whisper of your Eyes.

I shall be released from Sadness
As your Spirit from My Madness
Then all will be like was before
With no promise, with no War.

I will Rise from burning Feelings
As I did in Days of Darkness,
And the Cry of Thousand Hounds
Will Call My Angel Name again.

My wound is bleeding crystal Tears
I will burn them in Crimson Fire
On the Altar of Holy Moon
A Sacrifice To Gods of Music!

To witness Glory in My stumble
Even when the Scar is Healed
Oh, I hear the Call of Silence
I must keep it, before it’s gone…

Cercul Închis

Era prima dată cînd fusese chemat în Cercul de Măști. Pînă atunci, ținea legătură doar la distanță, prin Mesagerii Nopții, așa se prezentau de fiecare dată cînd el îi interoga curios. Dar acuma, totul era diferit, știa că i s-a oferit o șansă deosebită. Aștepta cu nerăbdare în Holul Amurgului, în acest spațiu posomorît domina o atmosferă nocturnă, parcă se cufunda în veacuri, ceva foarte cunoscut însă uitat spiritului său haotic. Deodată, o voce din spate îl chemă pe nume, simțea cum inima-i bătea rapid, sunetul bătăilor răsuna în întregul hol. S-a întors cu fața în direcția de unde auzise vocea. Era unul din Mesagerii Cercului, era îmbrăcat într-o mantie purpurie cu un brîu albastru-cristalin care în lumina lumînărilor din hol creea un efect haluncinant. Mesagerul îi făcuse un gest cu mîna stîngă spre ușa din fața lui și c-o voce apăsătoare rosti în grabă: ,,E Timpul!”

În mijlocul încăperii era un tron din piatră, era cioplit dintr-o stîncă care a rămas neatinsă de schimbările artificiale. Era înconjurat de trei sfeșnice, fiecare cu dimensiune și formă diferită. Pe ele ardeau cîte șase lumînări, mirosul de ceară topită acoperea holul într-un nor de fum amețitor. Spațiul părea pustiu, totuși simțea prezența lor chiar dacă nu se înfățișară în lumina oarbă a sfeșnicelor. Analizînd întunericul dincolo de lumină, știa că ei îl urmăresc atent, simțea privirile lor ca niște ace înțepătoare. Tăcea, chiar dacă sufletul-i striga în ecouri asurzitoare.

Presimțea acțiunea lor...Era înconjurat de ei, sub vocele lor glorioase a căzut jos, în mijlocul Cercului Închis. Sîngele cald picura încet pe suprafața petroasă a pragului, lăsînd o culoare catifelată. Privirea lui era îndreptată spre geamul holului, acolo, departe de acest Imperiu Ascuns văzuse un fluture purpuriu ce zbura deasupra unui chip umbros, cunoștea înfățișarea dar nu ținea minte al cui...Memoria i se îneca într-o beznă adîncă, inima-i bătea ultimele clipe de viață...Cu un zîmbet ironic rosti răgușit: ,,Joaca continuă în Visul următor...”

Last Call

I heard your Voice, you called My Name?
But Dead Man can’t come here again!
I left this Place not long ago, I am...
Gone! Like Wind before the Storm!

I hear your Cry like Echo in My Sleep
It’s screaming Loud from the Deep!
Why this Tears upon your Face?
Just let Me Go! To Die in Grace...

To Show Myself? I have no Power!
There are Laws beyond My Reach,
Don’t forget that in your Hands
You still Hold The Half of Me...

Don’t wait in Sorrow for My Return
I burnt The Bridge, there is no Way!
Your Last Words – You still Remember?
You can’t Break them, not Even Me!

You need My Strength? I give it Now!
More than Half, Last Drop of Blood...
The Time has Come, I walk with Night
Until the Moon and Stars will Shine!

Beyond Stars

You took My Flowers in My Dreams

My Sleep is Empty, with no rest
I am so tired now, to stay Awake...
Just make me dive into your Dream!

I took your Flowers in My hands and Care
And gave them Love through My Devotion

I will grow them in My Heart and Soul
To give you back - a Thousand Roses!

You took My Words of Inspiration
My Thoughts are scattered in Chaos,
I write Memories in Lonely Silence...
With my Ink of Blood and Tears!

I saved your Words in Hidden Box

Like a Treasure of Diamond Stones

I will put them on my gentle Neck

To Guide your Path in Loneliness!

You took a Part of Me away, with YOU
With Half of Me I can not be! You See?
My Wound is bleeding so deep, with Pain
I am nearly dying, I breathe in vain...

I brought you back your missing Piece
No need for me - You are Complete!
You closed the door, the Path is Lost
Beyond the Stars I fly...don’t cry!

You took My Stars from Heaven
My Night is dim and misty now
With no Lights to Shine my road
Who will lead me to my Home?

I kept your Stars in My Protection
Like the Moon on sparkling Water
You think I took them from your Sight?
No, I made from them...your Galaxy! 

Rebirth

With every Fall in Daily Life
I fly with Hope more Higher,
Like a beam of Silver Light
Is fading into Dusky Night.

There was a time I burnt like Fire
With a Flame of Youthful Dreams,
Where is Joy of Simple Living?
When I laughed at Fears and Pain…
I was Brave! Like Newborn Hero!
And the World was mine to play…

Now…Dust and Ashes from the Past
Blow like Wind of Frosty Winter,
I saw Darkness in My Heart
Like a Cloud of spinning Mist,
Calling those who hear His Silence
To the Kingdom of Heaven Lost.

Before I knew what Void means
I bathe in Rays of Blind Beauty,
To forge My Truth in Hidden Hour
Consumed by Taste of Forbidden Power.

Do you know the Real Peace?
When you are in Harmony and Bliss,
No Desire and no Things to Need
Just right here, in NOW to be!

Beyond the Stars I will abide
With My Crown of Astral Luck,
Where the Song of distant Future
Will Echo in an Endless Tune…

Silence

There are Spirits in this World
Whose Silence is stronger than any words:

He sat motionless for Hours
His Hands were shaking like leaves of flower

His eyes shone with warmly smile
But Tears were dripping slowly down.

He spoke to me with calming voice:
,,Don't spend your time in vain frustration
Life is ART not calculations!
Look at me and see your Beauty
My reflection in your Heart!
I will guide you - take my hand

We walk this path until the end!
Don't be Sad, no time for Sorrow
I will watch your every step!”

With his Words I fell asleep
Waves of Dreams and Memories...

Waking from my inner slumber
With My Spirit full of Joy
I cried out: ,,Thank you Stranger!
For your Silence, for your Words!”

He was gone, the room was empty!
And all the Space was drowned in Silence...

Shadow of the Past

      It was in the dark hours of the Night. I was standing on a high rock near the beautiful valley. At such late time with My sleepless Spirit, thoughts took me wandering on strange paths and places...I forgot how I arrived here or why I came, like some hidden part of my Mind plotted against me. Sitting on this rock I realized that it had a weird shape, like some kind of mythical creature. Suddenly I arose with a feeling of unknown danger, or perhaps with intuitive alert. Indeed! The Rock had a shape of a creature I knew very well! It was...it was...With hesitation and growing disquiet I whispered to myself - A GARGOYLE!!!
      It was the creature from my nightmare dreams! Gazing at this waking horror I started to faint - My Mind was twisting. In that moment I felt the merging of dreams and realities as one single way of manifestation. As I floated in a maelstrom of past memories I remembered why I came in this unknown place - It called me! This bestial creature summoned me from the forgotten Realm of Shadows.
       The Night became devoid of any sound or movement. The silence was unbearable, like stilled echo in a graveyard. The Creature started to move, first it spread its black rocky wings like huge clouds, I felt like a small point of shadow in comparison to its mighty shape. When this bizarre Gargoyle was towering above me, I sensed a weird feeling of protection, some kind of shadowy shield. All my fears and worries drowned in a sea of inner tranquility. Then, I approached him slowly, until I was face to face with this Guardian of Dreams, I stopped and stood still for a second.
  With a voice like a thunder he spoke: ,,I waited for you Wanderer! Waited for so long....I began to think that you will never find the way home, They thought you were Lost in this Grey World. But I always had a sparkle of undoubted hope toward you! I watched your every step and guided you in awakening from this worldly slumber. Now, we must leave at once!”
     The Sun began to rise like a fireball from sleeping mountains, its rays covered the World in a waking Light. The Night seemed to fade away like a veiled mantle. Above the high rock, between the red clouds of dawn, the Wings of this Unholy Creature carried me into the Shadow of the Past...

The Crimson Gate

I remember standing in the middle of a greyish Glade, the Moon shone with a weary sliver light, no Stars, just leaden Sky hung ghostly above me. Before me was a Gate…even now I can see it vividly…Huge Dark-Red Gate with grotesque features, above it were depictions of slimming shapes with horrid faces whose empty gazes pierced through me like fire-lightning. They were whispering to me, like a wicked hissing of thousand beasts. I knew that they were calling my Name in an endlessly repeating choir. I wanted to turn back, to cry, to run, to hide...but I couldn’t...all my senses were beyond my control, my Body was frozen to the ground like a cold stalactite. When I gazed again at this infernal gate...I was struck with horror – The Gate was wide open! It looked like a jaw of an monstrous Dragon. Red light was glowing inside, the air was dusty, filled with stiffened decay. Suddenly, an Unseen Force slowly pulled me toward the gate. As my body approached closely, I felt my Heart stopping like a clock, one beat more and then...dead silence, darkness covered my mind...in that very moment I summoned all my Will and with my last Breath I shouted: ,,WAKE UP! WAKE UP! Wake up...”

          In the midst of this utter void I saw a Golden Star in the distance, covering me with a warmly light and diving in its soft rays, I Blacked Out…

MegaSonic Girl

A String of Light into the Air
The Notes of Sound – a Melody!
She is born from Music of the Soul
And by it She lives her Life!
Waves of feelings fills Her Heart
Who can reach Her deepest Mind?
If you would know Her Music Heart
You will know Her Only Heart!
One Beat of Her Pure Sonic-Song
Can bleed your Heart with Tears of Blood!
Her Smile sings so many Words...
Yet, few can hear Her Magic Song.
Love for Her is when Two Notes
Sing as One, in Harmony, in Unison!
Her Voice is so clear and sad,
A Song of Heaven, sometimes of Pain...
Her Thoughts are Lyrics for the Spirit
Drop by drop She fills the Spaces
With a Cry of Everchanting Music!
I know Her Name by many Songs
The One I hear now is so Loud,
Like a Thunder in the Mountains
Or like Whisper in Quiet Wind,
It is so Silent and Enchanting...
Like Evening Star with Morning Light!
If you know Her by this Signs
Then your Heart is made from Music...

Divine Perfume

The smell of You is like a Flower
Consumes my essence fragrantly,
The smell of You is like a Magick
Hidden, deep within and powerful,
The smell of You is like a Spell
Hypnotic even for my Soul!
The smell of You is like Spring
Full of Blossom and Enchanting
The smell of You is like a Fire
Burns my body in sweet devour!
The smell of You is like Heaven
Blissful for my weary Mind…
I would drink Your smell like Wine
To get drank from Your Perfume,
Like Honey passing through my Blood
Until it fills my beating Heart…

Crystal Voice

How can words defy My Sorrow
When the Heart is ticking clock?
I break My sleep for your Creation
To spend your time in adoration!

Your child smile burns in Beauty
Like morning Sun between the Mist
Who can stop you from this Moment
When your Music starts to play?

I see your Soul in crystal Voice
A Song with everchanging Melody,
Who can feel your Inner Glory
When even Gods can praise your Name!

The Dreamer

The need to dream is in My Heart
Not Sleeping scenes but Waking ones,
In Timeless Moment I saw a Light
In its Beauty – I lived and Died…

The need to Cry is in My Eyes
Those of Joy but not with Smile,
I caused you Tears on your Face
To fall like Diamonds in the Night…

I cursed myself for Hurt and Pain
Upon your Life and those around,
Such Fool like Me is to Blame
I Hope to suffer in My Hell…

I know the price for empty Truth
Every Drop is spilled for Love
With Words I wash the Blood on Me
To Give you - Everlasting Memory…

Pontifex Nox

            Te citesc de la primul tău cuvînt, cînd ți-ai format numele în gînd din acel vis ciudat. Atuncea...ai pășit în cercul aventurilor ,,demonice”. Ai început să negi adevărurile de bază a vieții. Prin această negare tu ai început să-ți stabilești proprile criterii, definiții, înțelesuri, formule ale adevărului, respectiv ai văzut că totul e relativ. Deodată, ai întîlnit un obstacol propriu, ce s-a manifestat sub o absurditate, paradox cognitiv. Era doar o voință lăuntrică ce a izbucnit în mintea ta inocentă. Desigur, mulți se opresc aicea – neagă tot ceia ce-i absurd și neînțeles, privind din nou la viață în culori sintetice. Însă tu ai pășit mai departe, ți-ai adus argumente intuitive că totul e într-adevăr relativ, nestabil, înșelător. Permanent ajungi la concluzia că totul e o Iluzie a minții tale, că adevărul e ceia ce noi gîndim că este. Aicea, tu ești corect față de argumentele și adevărurile tale. Apoi, pentru a-ți stabiliza, întruchipa, întemeia adevărul tău, te întrebi - ,,Cum e o viață fericită?”..Înțelegi că fericirea e un fel de suport iluzoric, o dorință manifestată sub niște plăceri, la care din nou exclami – relativ! Iluzie! Respectiv din aceste conflicte halucinante tu deduci altul, unul la fel de neînțeles și interesant – Dragoste.
          Sunt mirat de capacitatea ta de a-ți urmări firul meditativ de la apariția acestuia pînă la încheiere, de sinceritatea și profunzimea proprilor întrebări interioare ce mereu caută răspunsuri. Nu înceta aceste convorbiri lăuntrice, deoarece anume prin conflictul cu sinele se descoperă miezul adevărului și neapărat vei găsi răspuns, fiindcă Dorința de a Cunoaște sunt adevăratele noastre comorii...           
          Am observat în zîmbetul tău o disperare, un pesimism sarcastic, această subapreciere e cauzată de vina ta conștientă - ,,din noi am jignit-o”. Te critici brutal, dar obiectiv și just. Tu nu ești nebun deoarece anume această conșteintizare că ești vinovat te ridică deasupra nebuniei și te face superior evadărilor emoționale. Totul evoluiază intens – Nebunia, frica, confesiunea, monologul, regretul, scuza...și închei cu un fel de testament tragic dar romantic: ,,Mă consum, consumînd”...           
        Simt cum apunerea soarelui îți creează o imagine nostalgică, în această atomosferă tu îmbini starea ta sufletească cu cea a naturii, o destăinuire izolată și în același timp într-o așteptare melancolică. Văd că frămîntările și îndoielile tale psihologice redau într-o formă metaforizată dragostea simplă față de iubita ta și jertfirea spirituală în așteptarea ei. Prin agonia  înflăcărată tu descrii toamna în niște culori stinse, care în absența iubitei tale și-a  pierdut farmecul ei auriu. În această așteptare oarbă tu cazi într-un vis amorțit cu speranța de a o regăsi, revedea într-o dimensiune în afara lumii atomice – limitate. Adormi în contopirea ta totală cu timpul, natura și universul...

Голос Вечности

В мыслях ночи Я ищу себя
Когда плачет тень в меня
Но день приходит как всегда…
Какой-то шепот, другие голоса.
Он спросил меня с тоскою:
,,Зачем Ты любишь? чего Ты ждешь?"
Слова писать Я забываю…
Но крик Души запоминаю!
Вопросом на вопрос – Oтвет
Когда мысли заглушают…
Сказал себё: "Убью Я Бога!"
И в тот же миг, убил Себя…

Pathless Dream

The Lost Bridge between You and Me
I forged from broken Dreams of Reality
All Dreams of You will Fade in Dusty Night
But this One will Echo in Voice of Eternity.

The Law of Beauty is My Peace
Bought with Curse of My own Bliss,
With Love I spent the Last of Words
No one to Blame…My Fault was Blind.

I thought My Heart is in the Words
But now My Words are Full of Death
So Empty and so Cold is Breath
Without Your Smile and without Faith.

Walking in the Dusty Night of Past
With the Cloak and Hope of Youth
Ever Lost in Stars and Slumber
On the Road to Pathless Dream…